I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
