I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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