I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
