Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
