i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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