did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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