My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
