Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
