God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
