they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
