Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
