ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize