South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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