Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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