oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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