I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
