I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
