she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
