all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
