Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You're like the curious george of whores
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
