i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
