U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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