I looked at my own cervix.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize