I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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