I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
