Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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