who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
