rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
