I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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