Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
