allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
