So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
