i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize