We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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