Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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