i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
