I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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