He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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