His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
