I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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