So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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