Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize