i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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