i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
