I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
