If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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