I have demons in me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize