It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
