I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She told me I should be a condom model.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
