I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
