i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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