maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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