I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
True but thats because hes a fetus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she pinky promised me she was 18
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
