I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
