You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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