Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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