Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
