Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
