You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
