In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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