I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
do herpes really smell.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize