I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
