Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
