Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize