I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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