i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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