I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize