i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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