I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
