can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
