I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
