tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sober January is a disaster.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
