had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
