So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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