I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
