what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
