You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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