Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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