i can't believe i had my finger in that
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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