I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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