Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
