I need to stop coming to work sober
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize