you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
