Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
