eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
