Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize