well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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