Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
