Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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