Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize