his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
