btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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