foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
