Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize