I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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