You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
