talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
