We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
