Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
