Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
