y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
