He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
