If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
