walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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