Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
