$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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