I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
