I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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