some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
