Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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