I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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