I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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